I
Am.
Over.

I fucking cant do this.

My mind is just breaking apart and I cant collect these emotions.

 

I don’t understand why it took me so long to realize that the past left so many wounds. Really, I don’t know how for the past 4 years on this thing I believed I was okay.. when the truth is more then ever I’ve just been falling victim to the taunts racing around my head.    

I cant do this.


I expect the people around me to let me down.
And when they dont, I'm dissapointed.
Dissapointed because at least the idea of being broken is one i'm use too.
I've been broken and betrayed all my life, I can live with that pain.
But the pain of not knowing, of falling prey and falling more and more into someones words without the garuntee of being caught, well that scares me more then ever.  

Maybe I shouldnt be with anyone, maybe the truth is it's easier for me to be unhappy, its easier to fake a smile for the sake of keeping my heart sheltered from change. Maybe all this joy is just a lie, and maybe my only savior is the safety in knowing happiness doesnt last.






 

Dude Im hyper tonight.
I think thats why Im finally getting around to updating this thing.
:]  That and the insperation raining on top of me from the romantic valentines day mix given to me from the wonder world of the web. 
Mmhm, I cant stop singing "lets get rich and build our parents homes in the south of french, lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance" And yes, I dunno, its making me bop along and feel excited. Haha.

Anyway, Im talking to Erica and having a wonderful little chat on aim.
She's going to teach me how to moan on que and in return i'm going to supply her with some good lovin'
That way everyone wins, haha. Or not.

Oh well.

 

HYPER HYPER HYPER HYPER.
Im not a hoe.

:]

PEACE AND LOVE.


 

We sat beneath the stars, laughing and talking about anything and everything that came to mind. Me, dissing your bad taste in music, and you calling me crazy for actually listening to the stuff I do. We were in our element, us and the world, two souls attached by the pattern of lights in the night sky. Against us was the universe, the truth of civilization needing to move on from their slumber and start the coming day… But for those few hours, those few perfect hours, all that existed was your goofy smile, and the beating of my heart.  Moments like these, I will never forget.

Lets try this again..




:]

I need a bacon cheeseburger.

Today was an interesting day in itself..
Actually, that’s an understatement, seeing its only 7:56am and the day hasn’t really started nor ended yet..
But the point is, it was pretty much a whole big ball of stress and horribleness.. And the fact that I’ve got another 12 hours to go, well its not the most comforting thought in the world.. However, I guess the good part about all this is now I have somewhere to jot my feelings down and for once ramble the way I want too.

Which is pretty good in a way, because well.. Its like when your on myspace you want so badly to impress every little person that comes onto your page and you want to come across as someone worth knowing.. But on here its like I can be who I am without running the risk of pushing people away.. Because at the end of the day this is who I am.

Ah, yes.. Im talking round and round in circles, but I blame that on this whole ’not sleeping all night’ thing. So hopefully next time I write (which should be very soon), it will be more thrilling then this.

Actually; Now that I think about it, anything would be more thrilling then this.

Oh well,
Peace, love and journals,

-D